Explain to me how a Goomba poses any kind of threat to Mario
^^what exactly is threatening about this?
Putting aside donkey kong, which I will not be discussing at this time, the first obstacle you encounter in the first level of the first game that Mario appears in, is a small mushroom-like creature with no hands, and feet that appear to be attached directly to his abdomen, which is also his face, He is frowning. He is clearly unhappy. If his body so much as grazes Mario’s body, Mario takes dies instantly. If Mario instead stomps the Goomba into the fucking ground, the Goomba dies instantly.
How the fuck does this make sense.
I have never understood the logic of impact damage in videogames, which is a staple of platformers. You bump into a bad dude and take damage. Why the fuck doesn’t the bad dude take damage. What makes his body so bad.
And Goombas. They have no fucking arms. They have the lower limbs of a turtle, they can barely move. Look at how unhappy they are. Mario comes to their land and he crushes them under his boot. He has been doing this for decades. They do not pose a threat to him. When they rush towards him in Mario 64 look at their faces. They crave death. This is suicide by cop.
Why do they exist. They are vile meaningless things that live only to be killed. I don’t think they work for bowser. Koopa troopers, I do think they are employed by Bowser. They’re like hedge knights or something. Goombas are just like street dogs that Mario takes the time to kill as he’s on his way to his real enemies.
I respect killing Bowser’s awful children. They are corrupt brats perverted by wealth, clearly inbred. But by the time Mario finally gets the chance to burn these little Qusays, his boots are soaked in the blood of stupid, purposeless Goombas. And for what.
For what.